VUELIO 'PARENTING INFLUENCER OF THE YEAR 2020' - BLOGOSPHERE 'INFLUENCER OF THE YEAR 2019' - 'SPACE HOPPER CHAMPION, BUTLINS SKEGNESS 1989'
The comedy and chaos of real-life parenting
So, this week, I accidentally called a woman’s baby: ‘Hagrid’. To explain…when I very first posted about this parenting stuff, I suggested that all babies are indistinguishable and that they all look like Ross Kemp. (What I actually said was that all babies look like one of the Mitchell brothers.. if you’ve got an ugly baby.. its Phil). Anyway, after eight months I’ve started to be able to distinguish between
One or two people were a bit judgey about the idea of taking a 6-month old away. “So, you’re taking him on holiday?” Yeah. “Abroad?” Yeah. “Somewhere hot??” Yeah. “On an aeroplane??” …By which point I was tempted to answer: “No, me and Lyns will be going on the plane, but we thought we’d get Charlie there by driving him to Dover and firing him out of a f*cking cannon”.
You know how fast Wolverine deploys his claws.. ? That’s basically the same speed a baby’s fingernails grow. You can cut them, file them, angle-grind them..turn your back for 5 minutes, turn back again.. and there he is.. Edward Scissorhands, lying in his cot, ..raking his own face again, until he looks like one of the cenobites from Hellraiser. I’m sure our Health visitor thinks that in between her visits