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3 days ago

Man vs Baby

True story. ... See MoreSee Less

True story.


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If you’re new here.. I wrote some books. This is the new one, you might like it. 👍🏻 www.amazon.co.uk/Man-vs-Toddler-Matt-Coyne/dp/1472245067

Soooooo true! I find lots of excuses to go to the tip! I also leave things behind on purpose so I can go back again

Treasured moments mate.

I wish that I had written this.

My friend messaged to say she hoped I'd had some "me time" recently. First thought was well I just did the dusting and no one talked to me so I guess that counts?

Walking around to my side of the car after strapping her in is a holiday! 🤣

I’m so tired from running around after my two and sleepless nights I totally read this ‘chicken make you appreciate the simpler things’ and then wondered why u would be taking a chicken on a cruise 🙈

I wish I could still have that privilege. Worrying about that sort of things. I miss my daughter.

😂 and when you do the food shop on your own! Bliss xx

Honestly... leaving the kids with their dad in the car and popping into the shop to get milk... A 5 minute job is like a holiday! But I love returning and the excited MUMMY! Shout I get is amazing.

I love going on an errand by myself! I'm a teacher and we go back to school tomorrow but last week we could go into school unofficially. I revelled in an unpaid afternoon of tidying out a cupboard -without any children (Although I have enjoyed the last 6 weeks of full time with two under 5)!

Mine are going to the childminder on Wed so I can go to the fracture clinic on my own!

Today I opted to paint the fence just for some freedom. I even stayed outside when it started raining 🤣🤣🤣

The other day I went to town on my own for the first time in nearly 4 years...it was so good that I circled the same corner of TK Maxx 3 times and looked at the exact same items just because I could...It was so enjoyable I've spent the past week telling everyone about it anytime they ask how I am.

So true. Going to work is often respite.

We argue over who gets to go upstairs to put away the clean clothes whilst the other stays downstairs with our two boys. “No I don’t mind going up...” “No, I REALLY don’t mind...” etc

I'll never forget the time, in the very early days of parenting that I "ran away" to Tesco! I could have been in the Bahamas for all I knew!

The three and a half minute window I manage to have a shower in is pure bliss. Until the door gets opened by my toddler and the whoosh of cold air indicates that my time is up 💁🏻‍♀️

I recently took a fourteen hour red-eye three flight combination. Delays meant I had to sprint to the next gate at both stopovers. It was bliss.

I find excuses to get things from the shops so I can have 5 minutes peace. I'm sure we'll finish eating all those baked beans and onions eventually...

My husband and I actually argued about which of us got to walk to the front of dunelm mill alone today to fetch a basket, and who had to wait in the aisle with our 4 year old 😂 (I won... that 3 minutes of silence was bliss.... 😂)

D’you know what, reading this post and all the comments really makes me feel so much better about myself. I often feel so guilty for doing things like this and enjoying the fact that I need to drive round the corner to get milk so I get 5 minutes peace. I wonder if it’s me, and I wasn’t really cut out to be a parent and I’m too selfish. However, knowing that there are so many other people who feel exactly the same way and do exactly the same thing is very comforting. Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter with all my heart (and her little sister who’ll be popping out of mummy in about a month), but sometimes you just need a day off. It’s ok, she’s at nursery on Tuesday so I can put my feet up and have a brew then......

I know this feeling so so well!! When you arrange your child to spend the afternoon with your mum so you can fill in paperwork and it STILL feels like a spa day!!

My father is visiting at the moment. I just say “Go play with grandpa!” and pretend not to notice the exhausted look on the old man’s face, to save myself the guilt trip. 👴🏼

I was excited that both boys napped at the same time so I could clean during daylight hours today!

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5 days ago

Man vs Baby

‘I can do it myself!?’. That may be true sunshine, but you end up looking like a lunatic, or like you’ve fallen in one of those charity clothing bins you get at the tip. ... See MoreSee Less


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Reminds me.. when a mate of mine got married a couple of years ago she told her little boy he could choose his own outfit and so he went as a cactus. 🌵😂

My 3yr old insisted on going to the supermarket dressed as a robot....😳😳😳

I let my daugther dress herself . on those days we having a wardrobe malfunction i let the nursery staff know she dressed herself and doesnt she look good 🙈🙈🙈

It was all back to front and inside out but as usual we were in a hurry and I had been fearing I’d still be dressing him till he was about 16 so we proudly went out in public like that and I didn’t even apologise once for it.

Can u tell my son had an older sister! He’s 21 now n still dresses whacky!

This was one of mine a few years ago. She even did the makeup herself!!

🤷‍♀️🙈😂 photo taken about 7 years ago now! Saving it for her 18th birthday cake!

I let my three year old dress himself this morning. The tiger hat and the swim shoes I can cope with. The black top with blue bottoms? Not so much 🙈

One of my favourite photos of my daughter.

First day at playgroup my son wandered over to the dressing up corner and put on the nurses outfit. I helped him put it on and off he went to play. 😆

When my son was little I told him he could choose what to wear to go shopping 😁 This was his choice 🤦🏻‍♀️😂😂😂

My son was 5 and in Kindergarten. He wanted to wear his Superman T-shirt for picture day. Little did we know that he smuggled his mask and cape as well. When the teacher handed me the picture, she said that we could have the picture retaken. But we thought it was sooo adorable that we declined. He’s now 23 and just graduated from University with a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Animation.

This was about 5 years ago, she was coming up to 5. I had been upstairs and came down to this. She's a special 1 😂

We went to a fairy festival, and my son decided it was appropriate to wear a Halloween Werewolf costume amongst all the sparkly dresses and wings lol...

My kid dressed himself too 😂

This was my daughter in holiday ready to go for a picnic to the park!

My daughter wore wellies for a full year at nursery. You've got to pick your arguments, right? 😉

I protest on behalf of all toddlers around the world; they can certainly do better. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

This week we have worn exactly the same clothes, every day... I even had to make the monkey a fez

I let my daughter choose her own things - you choose your battles and this wasn’t one of them - and now she’s nearly 16 I get grief for “letting me go out like that - how could you?!” 🙄🙄🙄

My boy went out in a wetsuit, crocs and pirate hat. That’s definitely one for the 21st slide show 😂😂😂

My son used to insist on wearing his bike helmet everywhere 🤦‍♀️. Hes grown out of it now thank goodness.

We regularly go out with a princess in sandals and funky socks with sunglasses and handbags with jewellery up her arm! We just go with it now 😂😂

My 21 month old boy refused to leave the house in the 30c weather unless he was wearing his fleece lined winter coat and wellies. Hes also well known locally for his princess and flowery headbands that he wears when we go out. It’s just not worth the meltdown to get them off him.

My son who had been away with the school came home like this 😂 I also have a picture of him smaller with a hat on in bed!!

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May I present you with this book... apparently they have all the answers 😉

France, how middle class. You've changed Matthew. And not for the better.

We will be in France next week. Will show them how it's done. Our 6 year old is ace at Mario Kart on the switch now 😂

It's a huge dining culture in France so they'll teach their kids how to behave without devices. My eldest would happily sit quietly with a colouring set then eat his meal. My 2nd however is a whirlwind!! Thank God for YouTube or we wouldn't eat out 😭😭

We're just back from France. The kids out there are so socialised (hate that word but it fits), they behave impeccably in restaurants, you don't hear their parents losing it with them in supermarkets, and I honestly don't think I saw a single device being used for anything other than taking a telephone call. Come to think of it, phones stayed mostly in the parents' pockets too.

We are here flying the flag...kids glued to phones and ipad wenever there is wifi....show them frenchies what is wot x

Yep we have noticed the same thing too. We're still here in northern France and the dinnertime atmosphere is so different !

I’m one of those smug parents that don’t let their kids have phones or tablets in restaurants. I’m also the parent who is knocking back prosseco at a rate of knots just to cope with the hell of it all!

As a French mum in the uk you got me all confused now 🤣🤣

I'm a French mum of 2 and I'd very like to know in which restaurant where you, cause my monster aren't socialised at all 😂. Most of the time parents will threaten their kids in hope to get time to eat. To get my kids "socialised", I've 3 rules : make sure there's a proper kids meal they'll eat, get them coloring set, reading and a game of their choice, and prey.

We just give them 10min of screen time every day just so they dont get left behind in technology. The rest of the day they can do whatever they want. Bike, music, books, garden, pretend, kitchen etc... so far its working and they dont look neither like a zombie nor like cat 8 hurricane.

My then-three-year old daughter once dropped her cutlery in a family restaurant at a Eurocamp in France. Gasps of horror. The atmosphere was horrendous. One shop worker became aggressive when she touched a glass cabinet while pointing out which ice cream she wanted. Audible frustration at her enjoying herself in the swimming pool. A French husband and wife verbally abused us because she accidentally tapped him on the back a few times while watching a family entertainment show. Family friendly France? No way. It was like Britain in the 1950s, children to be seen and not heard! Good job I’m thick skinned. I perfected my glare that holiday. Lucky it wasn’t my right hook 😜🤣


I took my little boy to Italy last week and without his Mum (she is 36 weeks pregnant) so I let him have the iPad, mainly because I didn’t want to spoil it for all the locals by having him twatting little Thomas into big Percy for two hours

I live in France, my wife is French, my kids are French, and they behave just as annoyingly as any Anglo Saxon kids do in restaurants . As do the kids of all our friends, and it is very easy to give in and let them use the phone. Usually towards the end, after we tried the drawing and games, that ultimately end up in the kids bickering and fighting about who is using which coloured crayon.

I have always had the rule of no devices out and about. Makes for better conversation with the kids. They need to be in the real world not stuck headfirst in a screen

We don’t tend to have phones or iPads at the table unless we are all so f-ing tired we don’t care anymore! That’s said, our youngest (18 months) did not miss a trick last time we took him out to a restaurant when a similar aged toddler on the next table had Duggie all set up on a phone - he watched the crap out of that over her shoulder 😎

Oh the fear I felt when the battery died on my 5 year olds tablet on the flight home 😥 luckily only a few minutes before the coming into land rules and seat belt signs came on! Real world problems 🙄😂

We will be there soon and if I want a hot meal the boy will have his iPad!

When we gave our kid his tablet in Bordeaux restaurant, last week, it was like a zombie apocalypse...kids creeping up behind his back to watch it 😂 When we crossed over into Spain, Bilbao, we just chucked him into the streets and let him run wild with all the other kids, while various boozy adults just pinged them out the way 😂.

We have lived in France with our 3 boys for 8 months now. They can out-Fortnight-dance all the other kids in any Place de la Republic. #flyingtheflag

I'm the one who's child raised the standards, by watching you tube videos on his tablet while playing on his switch, with an ear plug for each in each year #adhdmultitasker #raisinggamergoals

I think the fact you can get your kids mildly drunk at dinner time in France probably helps sedate them.

Our kid's minecrafting her way around Cornwall, nothing short of watching dad being swallowed whole by a Basking Shark off Watergate bay would make her look up from that fxxking tablet.

Did you also notice how quiet it was and that the kids were mostly behaving well.

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1 week ago

Man vs Baby

Happy Monday. Just a quick reminder that kids are better than us. ... See MoreSee Less


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Awesome, he’s my hero.

Too cute bless him 👏

Lucky...my brother would have put me back on the bike & made me do it again & again.

It was at that point that Lance decided to take substances and move into professional cycling



Heather Grieve Kenny Grieve N&D 😂😂

Helen Williamson

Illy Vanilly

Anna Harshbarger Phillipa Collett

Gwen Jones imagine the drama if that had been Eben!

Emma LW

Linden Jones

Michael Barrow T & S 😂😂😂

Nell Hilditch

Emily Heney brother and sister goals x


Steve Cleare x

Michael Martini, I'd come and check on you 😍😍😍

Jenna E Scottow

Nyah Grant

Tom Booy

Christy Maria

Martin Diver this is definitely our kids!

James 'crusher' Baker how cute 😊

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2 weeks ago

Man vs Baby

No daft caption.. just posting this pic because there are 7.83 billion humans on this dirt ball and I’m up a mountain with my very favourite one. Love you Charlie boy. x #lookathislittleface #fridayjoy ... See MoreSee Less

No daft caption.. just posting this pic because there are 7.83 billion humans on this dirt ball and I’m up a mountain with my very favourite one. Love you Charlie boy. x #lookathislittleface  #fridayjoy


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By the way.. this is precisely why you should follow us on Instagram.😂 www.instagram.com/manversusbaby/?hl=en

Beautiful picture❤️❤️ whereabouts are you? Looks like the Alps?

My little one at the park yesterday doing a similar cheer! Makes it all worth it

Gorgeous picture. This is us going to Disneyland Paris last year. Look at the joy of my youngest with clenched fists! ❤️

Look a Charlie's face!! He's so bloody adorable, Matt!!! 💖 My little boy, Alex, sat in Daddy's car! (He said he was driving to Aldi for some Flapjacks and strawberry milkshake!!! 😂😂😂) Xxx

Beautiful pic!!!!!..... your arm though. So long #SecretStretchArmstrong🤣👍🤪

Matt.....you have VERY long arms.... Just saying..

Aww Love this!

Great photo 😁😁

Aww his little face! Love it!

Bless him!!

Love it!

Precious 😊


Fab pic <3...(and Lyns joint favourite too 😉 )

This picture is awesome. Happy Child proud daddy ! ♥️

Gorgeous picture. Here is my handsome dude!

He looks so happy! Lovely Father Son memories 😊

cute pic..... my drive home from work through the mountains it's a beautiful day

Love it! Those pictures where they have just pure joy on their faces:). This is my particular favourite of my little girl. So content on her scooter!

And I'm going to like this photo just because it's a great photo xx

What an adorable boy and dad's not too bad

My son’s delightful table manners at the Hard Rock Cafe, Florida. He’s 17 now and has improved slightly 😂

Go go gadget arms! Lovely pic😁

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2 weeks ago

Man vs Baby

To mark World Breastfeeding Week I thought I’d share this from my first book: ‘Dummy’. ...I was pissed off at the time, not just by the usual oddballs, but by a spate of high profile figures complaining about feeding in public.

“Every few months some celebrity will chime in about how they find it 'disgusting'. Or, some backwards restaurant or hotel will destroy their own Tripadvisor rating by demanding some poor woman 'cover up' (as though she's naked and streaking past the salad bar rather than just feeding a baby).

Comments from professional twat, Katie Hopkins, about breastfeeding women are typical:

“They don't have the right to put everyone else off having milk in their tea. Put it away girls”.

Nigel Farage apparently agreed when he suggested that maybe breastfeeding women (and not just the brown ones) should “sit in a corner”.

How about moral arbiter of good taste Katie Price? This permanently exposed human bouncy-castle said:

“I don’t want to eat my dinner and see a woman’s boob out.”

(Which is a bit rich given that, for the best part of two decades, the whole of the U.K. hasn't been able to have so much as a round of toast without seeing her inflated tits on telly or in a newspaper.)

Even social philosopher, Kim Kardashian has waded in to the debate, using her notoriously wide-ranging vocabulary to tweet “Ew”, when a woman began breastfeeding near her.

Ew, indeed.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.. if you have a problem with breastfeeding in public you are a f**king weirdo. Take the test, and if you answered mainly C’s....
... See MoreSee Less

To mark World Breastfeeding Week I thought I’d share this from my first book: ‘Dummy’. ...I was pissed off at the time, not just by the usual oddballs, but by a spate of high profile figures complaining about feeding in public.

“Every few months some celebrity will chime in about how they find it disgusting. Or, some backwards restaurant or hotel will destroy their own Tripadvisor rating by demanding some poor woman cover up (as though shes naked and streaking past the salad bar rather than just feeding a baby).

Comments from professional twat, Katie Hopkins, about breastfeeding women are typical:

“They dont have the right to put everyone else off having milk in their tea.  Put it away girls”.

Nigel Farage apparently agreed when he suggested that maybe breastfeeding women (and not just the brown ones) should “sit in a corner”. 

How about moral arbiter of good taste Katie Price?  This permanently exposed human bouncy-castle said:

“I don’t want to eat my dinner and see a woman’s boob out.”

(Which is a bit rich given that, for the best part of two decades, the whole of the U.K. hasnt been able to have so much as a round of toast without seeing her inflated tits on telly or in a newspaper.)

Even social philosopher, Kim Kardashian has waded in to the debate, using her notoriously wide-ranging vocabulary to tweet “Ew”, when a woman began breastfeeding near her.

Ew, indeed.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.. if you have a problem with breastfeeding in public you are a f**king weirdo.  Take the test, and if you answered mainly C’s....


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One of the hardest but most amazing things I’ve been lucky enough to do. Luckily everyone I have encountered are supportive. It wouldn’t take much to make a new mum a recluse and raising a tiny human is hard!

So many of your lovely stories about your communities being supportive and welcoming to breastfeeding have made me so happy!

I once had a late 40's businessman get up from the middle of what was clearly a coffee/meeting to approach me as I tried to feed my 3 month old baby on a weird stool in a John Lewis cafe. I dreaded what he would say, but then he moved a chair for me so I could sit at their table, parked my buggy, got me a glass of water, and got my cake and coffee and brought it to me all while telling his business partner to move to the stool. Then, he said "It goes too fast. I remember how hard it was for my wife to get around when my son was little." I cried forever.

The worst experience I had was at a Christening “do” in a hotel. I asked the staff where I could feed my youngest daughter & they sent me to the ladies loo! It was awful so for every feed after the first I found myself a quiet corner of the room where we could both be comfortable & relax. No one even noticed! I thought the staff hopeless & uncaring. So proud of my eldest daughter who has breastfeed her own daughter wherever baby needed feeding. She did receive the odd scowl but she ignored or stared back, no-one ever complained!

I have been very lucky that in all the many times I fed my two babies in public the only comments I got were positive. "Ooh hungry baby" "Hope mummy's getting her lunch too" "Good for you" type of thing. And mostly from older people (probably due to my venue choice). The only time I did consider "covering up" was for an older relative's birthday party and some lady did twitter about "finding a room for me in case I needed to feed" but as it was baby slept through the whole event.

An elderly lady stopped to speak to me while I was feeding on a shopping mall bench. Clearly feeling very strongly, she quietly said how lovely it was to see young women breastfeeding their babies in public, she thought we were so brave, they'd been told to be ashamed and hide. She was both wistful and glad that things were different for us.

I fed our 4 year old until she was just over 2 years old and I'm now feeding our 18 month old. I've recently been accepted on to the board of volunteers for NHS Wales with the hope of bringing back breastfeeding peer support workers onto the maternity units and will hopefully soon be setting up a breastfeeding support group in my local town. #normalisebreastfeeding

Fed my first till he was 20 months, and my new baby four months and counting. I feed in private, in public, indoors, outdoors, in churches, in cinema, anywhere I happen to be. I’ve had two separate occasions where I felt I was getting dirty looks, but otherwise people either don’t notice, don’t care, make eye contact and smile and twice, have said something positive and encouraging. That’s it! I hate to think new mothers are put off feeding because everyone says they get abuse as it isn’t always the case.

🙌 👏 Yes sir!! As a new mother who has only fed in public once so far, and with great support, seeing posts such as these during this week is giving me more and more confidence to keep going. It's such a difficult journey as it is, without people judging and being ridiculous about the most natural thing in the world. X

I was on the reception at work the other day when a young woman came for her appointment with a very young baby. She asked me what the policy was on breast feeding so I told her, if her baby needed feeding to go ahead and feed her.

I fed my first child past one and I’m now feeding the second who is 9 months. I feed her wherever she needs to be feed, I can sit down and it’s cleanish. This has included many aeroplanes, cafes, parks, restaurants, shopping centres and even church. I have never had any kind of negative comment, not so much as a tut or a huff! I’ve had a few acts of kindness (someone buying me a drink, another offering to cut my food) but mainly I’ve had no reaction at all. It’s really not that obvious even without a cover of any kind. On a couple of occasions I’ve had people ask for a cuddle with the baby and I’ve had to say ‘when they’ve finished feeding’! I don’t understand why infant feeding is such a drama. You should be able to feed a baby (breast or bottle) anywhere they need to be without anyone feeling the need to comment or judge.

Love your post, a little sad as at the grand old age of 23.5 months, I’ve just stopped breastfeeding my toddler. Didn’t know it was BF week. Feeling wee bit emotional about stopping.

Oh. I thought Katie Hopkins and Katie Price were the same person. I'll have to pay more attention in future. Maybe.

I breastfed my beautiful prem baby girl as she was in neo natal for 8 weeks so I was expressing at first. I did feel a lot of pressure to do it but knew it was the best thing I could ever do for her. I can't say it was without pain but we both persevered and she thrived. Unfortunately I didn't have the confidence to do it in public then but if I had the chance again I'd whack em out and not give a toss about anyone else but us two.

I was sitting in the seating area of a Center Parcs while my family swam. My baby needed feeding and I was terrified that someone was going to say something negative, so I took loads of stuff to cover up with (even though it’s 34 degrees on pool side...). We nearly boiled alive so I had to feed a bit more noticeably, and I was worried. No one did anything other than smile; younger men, younger women, older men and women. Most didn’t really notice. One then approached me and she smiled loads, said she was proud of me for publicly feeding, that I was probably inspiring someone who might not normally have the confidence to feed out and about, and how she missed it so much with her children. To carry on and be proud of feeding him through the good and the bad. Left me with such a smile that week 🙂

We currently live in the Middle East and over here breastfeeding is the norm. My wife has been feeding our 5 month old since birth and never once over here has she been in a situation where she’s felt awkward or embarrassed. However, when we came back to the UK to let our family meet the new arrival she was stared at, had people show their obvious disgust and others walk out of the room when they realised what she was doing. Luckily these incidents have not really phased her and she has just carried on - our son needs feeding and he is absolutely thriving on it! Here’s the boy getting a recharge at the airport this morning! As my wife put it #marvellousmilkymammaries

I once got a fresh meal delivered to me, free of charge, in an Italian restaurant because the waiter noticed mine had gone cold whilst feeding my baby. People are mostly quietly brilliant about breastfeeding, because it’s normal! Only a few loud mouths (the usual lot) seem to want to ruin it like they do everything else that can’t marketed and turned into profit.

I had 2 looong bus journeys today, and of course in those journeys little dude needing feeding. Did make me giggle realising how hard people try not to look anywhere even near my general direction 😂 I was using a blanket anyway because little dude is so nosey otherwise so no chance they'd accidentally get an eyeful 😂😂

I’ve pumped in public many times before (exclusive pumper) and thankfully not had anyone say a word to me. I’ve had a few dodgy looks from people probably wondering what on earth i’m doing underneath my cardigan, but no one approached me.

I've never been confident in public feeding, I've never been around it really, the only regret of my decision to breastfeed was not owning it more, nearly 18 months of bloody hard, extremely rewarding work.

When my baby was 3 weeks old he screamed to be fed halfway through a shop at aldi. Rather than go and sit in my car and abandon my shopping, I popped him up under the poncho I was wearing at the time and fed him. I dont think anyone noticed, apart from a 70ish year old woman who walked up to me and tapped my arm...I thought here we go. To my surprise and delight she said could she congratulate me on my confidence and putting my childs needs first, she had been a health visitor for many years and it warmed her heart to see people feeding in public. This will stay with me for far longer than the negative comment I have received (last week, when my friends and I were told to stop feeding sitting poolside because there were no loungers available).

I think it's just a woman doing what mother nature intended. I don't have children myself due to medical issues but if I had, I would have breast fed. Its beautiful that it helps the little one get the best start in life, but I understand that sometimes it just doesn't work that way.

I was once walking around our local shopping centre breastfeeding my youngest (he was about 3 or 4 months old) not one person noticed until I was at the tills in superdrug and the cashier asked if she could see his face. I laughed and said hes feeding at the moment, I dont think hed be very happy if I took him off 😂😂 (he was a screamer.... well he still is and hes 2 now! Lol) after having 5 babies, I finally figured out that it wasnt my problem if somebody took offense, I would rather my child be fed and content than screaming because they were hungry 🤷‍♀️

We're breastfeeding our second here so if Katie shitkins wants to come and have a go 😎

I got comments from an old lady at the bus stop once. She commented that she hoped I wasn't about to feed my child because really that should be done in private 🤦‍♀️ Didn't like to tell her that actually I'd been feeding for the whole 15 minutes that we'd been chatting and what she saw was me adjusting my top to put it away 😂

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2 weeks ago

Man vs Baby

You’re three, how the hell do you know people? ... See MoreSee Less

You’re three, how the hell do you know people?


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It’s worse when Charlie comes running up with some random kid saying ‘Can ‘Ethan’ come back to our house?’ No he can’t, I’ve no idea who bloody Ethan is, and I’m not entirely sure you do either.

And they know you too.... you're walking round sainsbury's and since random kid says "oh look its Fred's mum' ..... who the heck are you?? You arrive at nursery gate and they're like meerkats, the watcher sounds out the call 'john John... your mums here'

There are not enough kids called Keith!

We went to a theme park the other day. My 4 year old pointed at a seemingly random woman and said ‘oh look, there’s one of my ladies’. Apparently it was one of the nursery staff. We wondered if our daughter was the head of some grease style gang 🤷🏻‍♀️

I work as a nanny. I came into work one morning and my bosses said “so, how do all the staff at cafe uno know our kids?” 🤣🤣🤣🤣

This happened with my 5 year old only we were in Zante! The kids did actually know each other from school!

I picked my son up from Nursery a few weeks ago, (18th July - the day before they broke up). We came outside, but one of his friends was staying all day so was in the nursery's outside playing area. He shouted bye to all his friends, then proceeded to ask one of his friends "*Bert, do you want to come to my house?!" To which Bert responded "Yes Please!!!" He hadn't even asked me, and I had to tell my son it wasn't happening!!!! Jeez!!!! (*Incidentally, Bert his not his real name!! I just can't remember which friend he asked!! 🤣🤣🤣)

We threw our son a birthday party at a soft play centre for his 4th birthday and we'd paid extra to have it "exclusive" meaning it was closed to the public. long story short, I didnt know any of the kids from nursery or their parents and we had had 2 gatecrashers where the Dad had wandered in off the street, ignored the signs, signed his kid into the party and let them play as part of the party and then they disappeared when I questioned why they didn't come down from the play equipment to eat or play party games. It was only when my son said he didn't know who they were and nursery confirmed there weren't kids of that name at the nursery that I realised they'd wandered in off the street and bagged themselves a free play and nobody noticed because we didn't have a clue who anyone was 😂

Or when you pick up your one year old from nursery and they tell you he had a lovely day playing with his friends. No, he’s one, he doesn’t have friends, they’re other children who want the same toy he’s playing with and who stare each other out till one gives in. 🙄

My son is three and he walks down the street with people giving him high fives and fist bumps, hey Fergus, how you doing etc .. oh and hello, you must be his mum? Yes, I'm part of the entourage.

I have it slightly different - every parent knows my child and every child knows I'm my child's mum even though me and the other parents have know idea who eachother are! We have to get introduced through our children 🤦.

This happened to me at a new toddler group. My daughter ran up to another child and they hugged and chatted, his mum came over and went 'oh you're Juliette's mum, we hear a lot of stories about her when he comes home from nursery' 🤦‍♀️ Turns out my younger daughter is just as bad for being known to all....

My 3 year old goes shy and refuses to speak to the other children. On the other hand hes more than happy to loudly shout out the car window and explain to random strangers that daddy had a poo earlier.

I had some one on one time at the shops a month or so ago with my 6yo and he had a very loud and dramatic moment with one of his teachers in Kmart. It was hilarious. Also every second kid we passed (even the older ones) knew who he was.

Our 6 year old recently told us she was putting on a play at our house and had invited her whole class. We asked if she thought she should have asked anything before inviting people hoping to get her to realise parents needed to be involved in these types of arrangements - her response ‘oh yes! Daddy can you build me a stage?’ 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Walking along the street random “kid”, maybe about late-20s walks towards us nods at my son “hey wee man, how’s you?” “Cool” says my son, “going to the game on Saturday” “yep” “great see you there” “yeah see you later” high fives and he’s gone. I’m standing speechless wondering what the hell just happened. Who was that I ask, my 8 year old’s reply ...... that’s my mate from the pub!!! He goes to the football with my cousin and his mates and they meet in the pub beforehand!! (I did say to him maybe better not say to his teachers he goes to the pub - but seemingly it’s ok cos they go to the pub and the match with them too!!)

I work in a playcenter and quiet often a child from my daughters nursery will come in and they will say hello ect. Ive been asked by a few parents now how i knkw their kids name. 😂🙈

It's when they deny knowledge of who you are that it gets really silly. Picked up step son from school as per usual and his friend asked who I was (I'm obviously not Mum). Step son shrugged his shoulders and said "I don't know". I had to quickly introduce myself to this 9 year old and remind my step son what my name was.

Or when you meet a parent from daycare out in the real world and they keep saying to their toddler "Look! It's Emil from daycare!" "Look who it is, Emil!" "What's Emil doing here? How great!", but you have absolutely no idea what their child is called (or that they go to the same daycare)... "Well isn't that... someone from daycare? How fun!" 😳

What I find worse is my five year old writing letters to her friends that I’ve never met and then expecting me to post them! Apparently the lack of address doesn’t matter, I can just look at a map to figure out! 🙈😂

When my kid was 3, we rocked up to a place, 20km away from our house, to buy some stuff they were selling on Gumtree. We get there and she’s like “oh hey it’s Naomi! Naomi hey!” And proceeds to have a chat with their kid. Who we don’t know and her patents didn’t know us...or our kid...and she had the name right, it was Naomi . To this day we can’t figure out she knew Naomi.

A few weeks ago we attended a summer concert at the sage in Gateshead where our youngest daughter was singing, we are all sat down it’s dark and a parent and child get up for the loo, all we hear is hi Harrison, my son is like hi Isla, his dad and I were like soo who’s that? Oh it’s just a girl from school, he’s 7

Walking round a shop, hearing my sons name being repeated in a creepy voice (think nightmare on elm Street) I look around and see a little girl. I ask my son if he knows her. He pointedly shakes his head and walks on. We eventually run into the little girl with her mother at the end of an aisle. She says his full name and gives him a hug. He clutches onto my hand the entire time. They've been in preschool together for 10 months. Turns out he just doesn't like her too much because she, and I quote, "hugs me all the time and doesn't let go" And so the cycle of social awkwardness continues from father to son 😂

We live on a city owned golf course and my daughter made nearly a thousand dollars last summer selling lemonade to golfers. Pretty sure every golfer in my town knows my daughter and at this point they’ll stop and chat when we’re out and about while I just stand there looking stupid.

Or when you lose all identity and have random kids yelling 'Hi Tilly's mam!' wherever you go 🤣

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4 weeks ago

Man vs Baby

It’s bubble wand season again people. 🙄 ... See MoreSee Less

It’s bubble wand season again people. 🙄


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By the way, any of you trying to revive a dead bubble wand.. I admire your optimism but you’re embarrassing yourself. ...Bubble wand liquid is highly complex chemistry you can’t just squirt in a bit of fairy and top it up from the tap.

Tape the tube part to something upright in the garden, they can then dip the wand without the spillage risk.... best Mum hack I ever read!

True. I’ve now taped one to the post for the washing line. That way they can blow bubbles for hours (well minutes) but they can’t spill the contents.

Total truth.

My nana always managed it. And she even made her own wand with gardening wire. The good old days! 😂

Purchased bubble wand in local co-op. Assistant asked if we needed a bag...grandaughter said ‘what good is that to a dolphin grandma?’ Congratulations to the school curriculum, message getting through!

We used to cable tie the tubes to the railings at our preschool. Then just top up the bubbles x

We do this! we have 4 in total, one on each leg of the swing and we refill from a large gazillion bubbles bottle from local toy shop 😊👍

My worst enemy in the world of toys. We switched to a bubble machine. I hope we never have to see one of these again!🤞😝

So true. In fact the same applies to the lifecycle of a bubble gun too, apparently! Purchase...delight... Hand to toddler... toddler smashed irreparably.... tears. 😱😭

From your friendly neighbourhood reception teacher ☺️

Every container of bubble mixture we have ever had has been emptied in seconds....but still I buy em and hope this one will be the lifechanger 😂😂

People spend 3.99 on a bubble wand???!! I buy a pack of 3 from Poundland and they are pretty decent bubbles. 👍🏻

My son did this so now I stick them in a big flower pot so they stay upright & u just dip the wand in 😉

You can buy a litre of bubble mixture for a couple of quid (just in case you're unable to mix washing up liquid and water yourself) and extend the fun by refilling the wands for an almost infinite number of days/weeks/months etc.

You missed the bit about using washing up liquid to try and save the day, but it never works!

You missed the bit where the wand pops out of the handle and you spent 45 mins trying to pick it out of the liquid bit with fingers too big to fit into the top!!

So true! Sigurd’s lasted about half an hour! 😂😂

Child also breaks bubble wand so you cannot refill and have to buy a new one. Repeat every weekend!! 😬🤪

Big tuff tray and a hoop with bubble mixture works great too!

We went to the Droitwich canal festival and our 2 year old was entranced with the "Bubble gun " being sold there. Being a big kid myself (I'll grow old but I'll NEVER grow up) I bought one and the pack of 9 bottles for £10 😯. We got home and within an hour, all the bubbles were gone and the bubble gun was broken. I would say it was worth it to see the joy in the wee man's face but most of the bottles of bubble liquid went all over the back garden. Back to using the empty fairy liquid bottle and washing up liquid.

Or you could go to Disney world in Florida spend $25 EACH (because of course they can’t share 1) on bubble wands for them never to be looked at after this day 💸💸💸

We've used a bucket of sandpit sand to put ours in. And a huge refill of bubble mix for extra bubbles. 😁

“Bubble wands” on sale at the local children’s farm 🙈

Alternative ending: child pours entire content of bubble wand on to your phone. Everyone cries for an hour.

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1 month ago

Man vs Baby

#itwasonoffer #aldimiddleaisleofmadness #shitforgotthemilkandbread ... See MoreSee Less

#itwasonoffer #aldimiddleaisleofmadness #shitforgotthemilkandbread


Comment on Facebook

Ok.. everybody play it cool.. but over on Instagram.. Hacker T. Dog just commented on this.

Circular saw & multi tool in my trolley this week. I will need my own when the builders are finished. 😂

Literally just bought a dinghy on Saturday lol. Having said that, AWESOME weekend with the kids, best £40 I’ve spent in ages!

Just put this up for my sons from a middle aisle purchase. We already have 3 paddling pools but this I just had to have! X

I bought a bouncy castle... I don't have a garden and not enough space to put it up in the flat 😂

The middle Aisle is like a creche for guys. It will keep them happy for ages

I had to buy their bag. For some reason it spoke to me on a special level!

Genius! You gotta love Lidl and Aldi! We popped into our local Lidl to literally pick up milk, cheese and mini cucumbers and my husband nearly leaves with a ukulele!! 😂

There are times when being a pedestrian and not wanting to spring for a taxi is a wonderful thing ! 😂

This actually happened to me - went to buy nappies, came out with an inflatable kayak and a tent. We already have a perfectly good tent.

My husband was appalled enough that I bought a mango and chicken pizza!

My best Aldi random buy was an archery set, the kids don’t give a toss but I bloody love it to be fair!!

My Kids ALDI find 😂 barely have enough “ tree” to hang it on, but he was persistent and here we are ....

My life. I now own a glue gun.

my father went to Bunnings once to buy hedge-clippers. he came back with hedge clippers too. the accompanying sofa and two-chair lounge-suite raised a few eyebrows on arrival though

I went in this morning to exchange an oven dish that was delivered broken....I am now £115 poorer....but have a new drill, self inflatable cool bag plus much more stuff that I really do need 🤣

I like the "middle of Lidl" especially for the horse riding helmets (I live in Govan, middle of a poor bit of the city) and fly fishing sets. Truly, I just need money and a field and I'm sorted. I live by the river, but fly fishing for trout? Not a fisherman so not sure if that's the right kind? 🤔 Also no licence!

So true....when there is a camping event you have to buy all the gear to make yourself feel better that because it is the summer holidays you are a good parent and you are going to take your whole family camping!!!

We’ve just been through our Aldi phase, I’ve just banned my husband from going there ever again, as I worked out we were not saving a penny and my house was full of crap 😆😆 apart from the hoops - my daughter likes them best for breakfast!! Chris McMahon

But if it means my hubby will go food shopping, on his own, then I'm all for it regardless of what essential item he finds to bring home 😂😉

“I fancy one of those inflatable kayaks” says husband, in all seriousness, as I read him this - for a joke 🙄😂

Very pleased with all my past purchases, the aluminium folding flat bed trolley was a must. As was the soldering iron, both of which husband has squirelled away in his garage, after taking the piss of course. Just love their middle isles and it's so much more fun with kids.

Went in for school skirts came out £90 lighter and 2 new shopping bags so I could carry all the shit I'd bought back home 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Our kids call them the 'fun aisles'!

I actually saw bongos for sale a few months ago! 🤷‍♀️

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