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1 day ago

Man vs Baby

Summer Solstice today. Which supposedly means it’s the longest day of the year? I don’t think so.. I think you’ll find the longest day of the year was last Saturday when Charlie went to a paw patrol party, got jacked up on pop and buns and then came home with this fucking whistle. ... See MoreSee Less

Summer Solstice today.  Which supposedly means it’s the longest day of the year?  I don’t think so..  I think you’ll find the longest day of the year was last Saturday when Charlie went to a paw patrol party, got jacked up on pop and buns and then came home with this fucking whistle.

 

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My youngest once came back with a harmonica from a kids party, who the fuck gives out harmonicas. 😂

I'm 64 now but can still remember being on holiday with my Aunty Nora and Uncle Charlie and merrily playing on a "penny whistle", I was probably about 4. I also remember how sorry they were that they accidentally dropped it through the slats on the pier. The conniving bastards!

I feel your pain! Our kids ended up with one each after a party & no matter how many times I "lose" them, they still manage to find the little bastards! Satan stole the screams of banshees and mothers in labour, and sealed them within these vile little hell blasters...then handed them to 4 year olds... Aren't kids the best...?

What a wanky party bag that was.. My wee boy came home from a party once with a luminous stamper in his party bag.. A god damn stamper.. Which he proceeded to stamp little bastard flowers all over his face and body 🙄🙄😭

May I just add that I bought my son a green frog umbrella at the weekend. Wasn’t until we had paid for it and got in the car that he discovered a whistle attached to the handle. Why would an umbrella need a whistle on it?! That was a fun journey home!

As a reward my sons teacher gave them all a mini recorder for having entries in their reading logs #whatdidieverdotoher #fuckyourendoftermchocolates #youcanonlyplayitinthegarden

Immediately bin all party bags! If you tell them they can have it “after tea” they forget all about them and then your house isn’t full of 10p plastic crap which they refuse to prt with!

Why do parents do that to other parents 😬🙈😂

My daughter was given a Peppa pig one of these. She used it to inflict maximum pain on the morning of my first hangover in over 5 years. Standing at the side of my bed she repeatedly blew the thing next to my face. She knew she was making me suffer and I knew she enjoyed it. Revenge is best served cold and I’m very much looking forward to her teenage years....

A favorite sign in some of the shops in Colorado: “Unattended children will be given a large espresso and a kitten.”

I always check the party bags now. Harribo sweets..they are mine, noisey toys they are mine... You get the drift.

Some idiot thought it wise to provide my small child with a harmonica... no harmony can come from this item, I know, we have one! I’ve come to the conclusion that only stevie wonder should have one of these. Fact!

Sorry Chrisy, Diana and Shell, I am that terrible parent. If it’s any consolation Molly keeps finding the left over ones it’s like she has a nest of them 😂😂😂🎺🎺

🤣🤣 sorry for laughing but I’ll never forget the joy of handing 46 whistles out to 5yr olds at a birthday party & then sending them on their way!🤣🤣

Last Saturday we had not one but TWO Paw Patrol parties one of which was my 3 year olds 😂 Chase can get right off my bloody case!!

But at least it will be starting to get dark at night again soon, so I don't have to explain why the youngling has to go to bed even though "Mr Sunshine" is still awake.

I had my daughter on the 21st of June 2011. 17 staples later I can absolutely assure you it was the longest day 😖

I think the parents of this child must secretly hate you. When’s Charlie’s birthday? I say it’s war. Stock up on party blowers and those bloody balloons on sticks that never die

Nice neat books 🤣 I spent ages this morning sorting Thomas’ into height order... went in an hour ago the little shit had pulled them all off the shelf and found a bloody pencil and drawn on the walls 😩 no wonder I drink 🍷

My child was born on the summer solstice (3 this year) I was induced on the 19th and he turned up on the 21st...and just to add to the mental they were filming a James bond film right outside the bloody window 😂 (kids born in St Thomas so my clock was big ben)

Someone said to me earlier that todays the longest day if the year....who are you telling!Ive been up since 5am.....😒

I’m not sure what’s worse, the sound that’s made by the little darlings when they blow into them, or that of us parents when we inevitably step on the bastard things.

Winter here in New Zealand, I was in charge of getting glow sticks for an outside party, some how glow whistles made it into the stash - decision regretted immediately! Of course my youngest 2 managed to get one each and bring home,where they have been lost...😉

A Ben and holly whistle what the fff did they pay for this satans toy!!! My daughter is 3 next week and obsessed with Ben and holly ( the toy u need to take a mortgage out for) I'm contemplating buying similar and buying the stickers but i don't think i will get away " with China knock offs" 😂 I actually bloody wish she loved peppa pig it's cheap compared to Ben and holly and sponge bob 😳 i thought my 12 and 10 year old were forking with me when they said they wanted mac and benefit for there birthdays ( which I'm not sure u know what this means its ( there makeup will cost more than our monthly shop! ) and more than properly i spend on make up in a year... u should count ur self lucky u have boy that doesn't want to spend £ 30 on a blush fml i have 3 of them! 😣

I'm still traumatised by the unfortunate misplacement of my recorder Donna Karen - I feel like you have some information on that. Similar to the information about what really happened to my guinea pig, that did not run away with the one next door into the back fields to live happily ever after 🙄

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5 days ago

Man vs Baby

A lot of talk today about what it means to be a father. For this Father’s Day, I resolve to always show my young son what it means to be a real dad. By ensuring that every time he’s engrossed in a cartoon, I walk in the living room, change the channel to the snooker and fall backwards into my permanently reserved armchair doing the wanker sign in his tiny face. ... See MoreSee Less

 

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I'm from the U.S. but lived in England for 3 years. You can't help but pick up a few influences from the culture you're living in but I have no idea what the wanker sign is. I'm kind of ashamed and it makes me sad. I feel like I should KNOW THIS!!! Will you please post a demonstration pic? I would like to start using it when responding to political posts in my country when discussing our current administration. Thank you in advance and Happy Father's Day!! 🙂 (EDIT! EDIT!! MAJOR EDIT!!!!!! Some kind folks have brought to my attention what the 'sign' is. Do not.....I repeat, do NOT post a demonstration!!! I take it ALL back!! Except the Happy Father's Day bit. BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!)

Today I felt it was my right to do the same, but I chose football. I don’t even like football, but that’s not the point. #alphamale #takethatpeterfuckingrabbit #whoamikidding

My dad did this every day the snooker was on. He’d turn it on and you could guarantee 10 minutes later he’d be fast asleep still holding the tv remote. 😂😂

He hasn't put it down since he got into bed!! Tears literally rolling down his cheeks!! "This guy is total spot on" "You are totally going to have to read this when i am done"!! In amongst the weird noises of laughter. At this rate it will be tomorrow night or before 😂 Graham! Meaning your book is that good he can't put it down.

it works much better if you then fall asleep....

We've got the same problem. I'll be sitting watching Hey Duggee (or similar depending on time) , and my 18 month old son will grab the control and switch over to Neighbours.

I need more authority - I was forced to watch Frozen 😥

With my Dad it was Antiques Roadshow and Last of the summer wine.......Then he would fall asleep in the armchair for good measure 😂

Keren replace snooker with a random food show.

I’d love to know what Brenda would think of this one 😂😂

Richard Mounsor happy Father’s Day ......Moo ‘always watches golf with daddy’ and she loves you ‘45 much’ so your winning right 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

I'd be shhh'd every time I spoke during the snooker - but dad they're not talking!! Or the football scores when they were on the screen 😂 Amelia Dennis wish he was here to do it to his grandkids xx

I got this cushion for my permanently reserved armchair today. Very apt

My dad was switching tv to the a team, holding the remote tightly then sleeping straight through, snoring so loud we couldn't hear what the a team were saying.

It was motorsport in our house, and the sign to shut up was 'shouldn't you be doing your homework?', but same principle! I'd give anything for him to still be around to do this to my daughter. ❤

Surely world cup and the footie!!!

Ah brings back memories. My dad did EXACTLY that, except it was cricket

And then proceed to fall asleep in the chair and then wake up at any mention of changing the channel

God bless you for showing Fathers everywhere how it should be done!

Emma Curnow you'll like this 😂

Sarah Ellett ..... me yesterday🤣..... Ice Age vs World Cup 🤣

Liam Charville I don’t like snooker but it’s not the point.

Sarah Louise Meades this is how I'm dealing with police cars and tractors from now on.

Julie Davis this is why the kids need to love Motorsports

Ben Yogi Cox 🙄 only for you it’s daughter 😂😂xxxxxx

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6 days ago

Man vs Baby

By.. er.. semi-popular demand.. I’m re-posting this for Father’s Day tomorrow... a story about my old man.
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ME, MY DAD AND 'THE PHANTOM FLYER'.

When it was suggested that I write an article about my dad, and what he taught Me about being a father, it seemed like a good idea. Especially since he died a few years ago.. When someone’s died it makes the wise things they said seem a bit wiser. ..Yeah, this would be a good article.

But when I sat down to actually write the thing I had no idea where to start. I tried to remember all those conversations in which my old man had imparted a fathers wisdom. Those times when we’d share a beer, sat beneath a moonlit sky, as he shared some pearl of truth: “Son, always remember that…” etc. (before we chinked our bottles and stared off into the distance).

But that never happened. We didn’t talk like that. In fact, my dad? He barely talked at all.

He just didn’t say a lot. He never did. He hated small talk and hated big talk even more. And the idea that we could ever have had a long father/son conversation about feelings, and all that, is such a weird idea that it makes me shift uncomfortably just thinking about it. We just didn’t share that language.

So, after scratching my head and staring at a blank screen for an hour I was starting to think that what my dad taught me about being a father was… well, not a lot.

That afternoon I took Charlie out on his trike. It had started to bother me that those father/son conversations didn’t and never would exist for me and my old man. And I resolved to make sure that it wouldn’t be the case for me and Charlie. I’d make sure that we shared the language that me and my dad didn’t.. After all, I’ve read the parenting books and listened to the experts, this being open and talking is vital stuff. It's the cornerstone of being a good dad. Communication is key...

Well, maybe not.

The thing is, despite the wisdom of parenting manuals, my dad was a great dad, he was kind and generous and I never doubted for a second how much he loved me and my brother and sister… He just wasn’t a talker. And in thinking about that, I remembered something from when I was a kid. Something that, once remembered, made me realise that my father was teaching me what it was to be a dad all the time. And he was teaching me without saying a word. And, in actual fact, words would have cheapened the lesson.

Here’s a story about a bike.

In 1985 it was the height of the BMX bike craze. Every kid on our estate was doing tricks off of drop kerbs on their BMX Burner. Every kid that is apart from two: Me and Martin Ogley.

Martin Ogley was the owner of a purple Raleigh Chopper and, whilst these may be considered retro- cool now, in 1985 to be seen riding one was proper embarrassing. The kids on the estate would mercilessly rip into Martin about his shit bike at every opportunity. And despite the fact that I didn’t own any kind of bike at all, I would join in. In fact, I did more than join in, I was the ringleader. I knew that by keeping the focus on Martin, I was less likely to be a target and so I harangued him cruelly. Especially when I discovered he had added a sticker to the handlebars that read ‘The Phantom Flyer’. What a f*cking loser.

When anyone asked where my own bike was I would lie and say that my BMX was so top-of-the -range that I didn’t ride it on the street and used it only in competition. I had been telling this lie for nearly a year and whilst I knew it wouldn’t hold up to scrutiny forever I wasn’t too worried. Because it was coming up to Christmas and after months of whining and incessant badgering of my dad I was confident that a BMX would appear on the big day.

On Christmas Day 1985, my family bundled into the back of our old Morris Minor and headed off to church. Whilst other kids got to tear into the presents first thing in the morning we could only have access to ours once we had been to morning service. On the drive back home I was disappointed to notice Martin Ogley playing on the end of our street on what was clearly a brand new BMX. Tits.

I had been hoping for a little Christmas Day Martin-bashing whilst showing off my new wheels to the estate that afternoon. Never mind.

On returning home me, my brother and my little sister lined up outside the living room door in age-order and, as we entered , my eyes were drawn to the armchair where my own presents were piled up neatly. There, leaning against that armchair was a bike bedecked with ribbon and tinsel. And not just any bike...

A Raleigh Chopper. And not just any Raleigh Chopper. A purple Raleigh Chopper. And not just any purple Raleigh Chopper. ..You see, in the week before Christmas my dad just happened to be drinking in the local Working Mens Club with Martin Ogley's dad. A dad keen to get shut of an old bike after buying his son a new one.

Yeah. ..I was now the proud owner of The Phantom pissing Flyer.

For years I felt scarred by this experience. I knew we were broke, I knew we had to make do... but how the fuck did I end up with Martin Ogley's Chopper?

To begin with I only took the Phantom Flyer out after dark, I hid in the shadows from the other kids on the estate. Unwilling to brave the verbal slings and arrows and peculiar cruelties that form the skillset of nine year old boys. But, soon enough The BMX craze passed and I survived.

Although it seemed catastrophic to my nine year old self. Over the years this incident just became an amusing anecdote, and the butt of the joke became my dad. He was just out of touch. To him a bike was a bike. He was clueless. He didn't understand the ridicule, the harsh back and forth of bantering kids and the pressure of the latest trends.

Except, he did.

It wasn’t until I was in my thirties that we were having a Sunday afternoon drink in that same Working Mens Club and I reminded my dad of that year, the year of Martin Ogley's chopper. My dad listened to the story, the way that I told it, and the way I gently chided him for his complete obliviousness. I honestly thought he wouldn’t remember the whole thing but he did. And so I asked him the question: How the fuck did I end up with Martin Ogley's chopper? And my dad smiled simply, took a sip of his pint and said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world:

"Well... Because you were mean to Martin".

And that was my dad teaching me how to be a dad.

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Here’s to the dads. Here’s to the mums who make great dads. Here’s to the dads who are still kicking and to the dads gone but never really.
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Happy Fathers Day. Matt x
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Such happy memories. He was the best Dad to you all, gone far too soon. He would have been so proud of you and would have adored Charlie. ❤️❤️ Happy Fathers Day Matt, you have made the most incredible Dad and somewhere over the rainbow 🌈 your Dad is smiling down on you. Mxxxx

Your Dad was an absolute hero of men. If only more parents had the guts and resolve to do what is right for their kids, not what their kids want for the sake of wanting. I teach so many spoiled brats who could do with a dose of your father's wisdom. RIP, sir, you did a great job.

thats the best story you could share.and the best lesson your dad could have ever taught you.you have something very important to pass on to your own now 👌

Brilliant story and what a legend. It seems he knew exactly what you needed rather than what you wanted at that point in your life.

I love this story so much and I can relate! I also received one of these bikes circa 1985 that my dad had picked up from the tip and cleaned up for me. We weren't broke at the time, but my dad had grown up with nothing, not even shoes. At the time these things seemed so embarrassing, but now they are the most treasured memories. I never got to tell my dad that I get it now. But I hope I can pass even a small piece of it to my own son.

Love this. Love your dad. Be anything but be kind. Poor Martin (I bet Martin’s kids sleep all night and smile all day)

❤️ Love this... just as much as the last time I read it. I no longer have my dad but feel his influence parenting my boys ❤️

Reading this article with my 5 year old beside me. "Ooooh I really want one of those bikes mummy, does it come with stabilizers? " Keep up the good work Matt x

I love this! I remember my dad redoing lots of hand me downs and second hand toys for my sister and I ....

I loved reading it as much as I did the first time pal

That is literally the funniest fucking heartwarming story ever.

What a great Father's day reminder how to be a proper dad and how to be a fabulous son! This is my second favourite story after the one for the first holiday with baby, absolutely loved that one! xxx

I remember your Dad .....he was such a lovely man xx

This is an excellent story, thank you for sharing. Your dad sounds like a proper legend 😁👏🏻😎

That is excellent, thanks for sharing it. Your Dad saying don’t be a dick, without saying it! I took my brothers Grifter, thinking I was cool af, and wiped out. My Dad made me check the bike! 🙄😘

Great parenting! Really lovely story. x

I’ve read this story of yours before, Matt, but I absolutely love it! Just brilliant 🤗🤗🤗 xx

Serves ya right!!😂 Absolutely LOVED my chopper, could never get the bloomin gears(??) to work though!!!

😂😂😂😂 Thats a brilliant story 👍🏻👍🏻

Nick Nottingham Nichola Keeble - our dad was most definitely NOT a talker 😂 I know we have different experiences but I think it's fair to say that he was someone who cared (even of he didn't know how to show it) and definitely someone who didn't approve of being a dick!!!!!! xx

You are genuinely brilliant

Love this! Made me giggle and say aww at the same time!

What a great dad x

Caroline Donoghue didn't you have this bike?

John Deegan you'll love this story!

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1 week ago

Man vs Baby

An IMPORTANT MESSAGE for the many many people on here who have mercilessly taken the piss out of my fashion sense, my preference for double-denim, my love of a good cowboy shirt.. etc.

This week I am in the US edition of Vogue.. So, get fucked.
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An IMPORTANT MESSAGE for the many many people on here who have mercilessly taken the piss out of my fashion sense, my preference for double-denim, my love of a good cowboy shirt.. etc.  

This week I am in the US edition of Vogue.. So, get fucked.

 

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My nan was in Readers Wives, don't make it right though, eh?

Nothing wrong with a bit of double denim... if you’re shakin’ Stevens

There’s a radio station called Penis Tone FM?

UK Vogue won't have you..? 🙈

I’ve heard off woody that you always wanted to be in bros. Even had grolsch bottle tops. Woody was knight rider.

Move over bewitched! Lol

Stick to what you wear mate mens fashion these days has gone mental in some cases.

I wore my vest inside out yesterday for most of the day (second kid, 8 mths in, brain has yet to return). Nothing wrong with doubling, you own it! X

But not for your fashion sense! 😂 Also, how the fuck has penistone got it's own radio station??? And why did they stick you under...

Penistone still sounds like erectile dysfunction meds.

Love a bit double denim, if it's good enough for Beyonce 😘

You know the yanks love their double denim and cowboy shirts though!! 😆😆

Double denim? Aka Canadian tux. We always denim doubling down over here. C'mon over, you'll fit right in!

Get fucked!!!????? My new sweary even thou it was I my fav in 1986 !!!!! Retro fab xxx

Based on the pic, her nickname must be “tone”? #flogthatdeadhorse

Good on you you don’t need fashion to have sense and that you have in bags x

Strike a pose f*ckers! (Good work!)

Least you didn't have to goto scunthorpe

Fucking love cowboy shirts!! Sarah Louise Barron

Penistone. Bwahahaha. And ha again.

They couldn't find anyone else huh😂😂😂

Genius 😍

Did they need a 'before' photo

Penis tone FM?

Whatever. Penis Tone? 😂😂😂

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2 weeks ago

Man vs Baby

Good. I think most people understand the 'breast is best' stuff. But from the experiences of many mums I've spoken to, breast may not necessarily be best if the soul-destroying effort of it drives you slowly insane, or contributes to that hatefully common, dementor of new mums: depression.

I'm not saying breastfeeding isn't a great thing, the science is undeniable, but there are a thousand factors that effect how healthily a child grows and maybe the mental health of their mum is bigger than them all.
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And, anyway.. I was bottle fed. I'm still alive, I'm not obese, I don't steal women's shoes, I'm not three foot two.. I survived. Incidentally, ask around your friends. If you can tell the difference between those who were bottle-fed and those who were breastfed I’d be amazed. For all the well intentioned commentary about the benefits of breastfeeding, it is safe to say that its all a bit more complicated than that. Otherwise, when babies became adults ‘breast only’ campaigners would be able to prove their point by putting a selection of people in a room and identifying them easily: The breastfed ones by their glowing skin and six-pack, and the bottle-fed ones by their rickets and missing teeth.
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Good.   I think most people understand the breast is best stuff.  But from the experiences of many mums Ive spoken to, breast may not necessarily be best if the soul-destroying effort of it drives you slowly insane, or contributes to that hatefully common, dementor of new mums: depression.

Im not saying breastfeeding isnt a great thing, the science is undeniable, but there are a thousand factors that effect how healthily a child grows and maybe the mental health of their mum is bigger than them all.
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And, anyway.. I was bottle fed.   Im still alive, Im not obese, I dont steal womens shoes, Im not three foot two.. I survived.    Incidentally, ask around your friends.   If you can tell the difference between those who were bottle-fed and those who were breastfed I’d be amazed.  For all the well intentioned commentary about the benefits of breastfeeding, it is safe to say  that  its all a bit more complicated than that.  Otherwise, when babies became adults ‘breast only’ campaigners would be able to prove their point by putting a selection of  people in a room and identifying them easily:  The breastfed ones by their glowing skin and six-pack, and the bottle-fed ones by their rickets and missing teeth.

 

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In my experience midwives don't shame women to breastfeed, they give the info and support women either way 🤷‍♀️ pointless story! Edited to add: My experience is both as a mother and from a professional point of view. Midwives have a duty to provide women with the information and evidence for lots of different choices & decisions, and then support them in whatever the woman decides. I can't think of a single midwife I've met who would "shame" a woman into anything other than what she wants to do. It's the woman's body afterall.

Comment after comment saying, "I wanted to breastfeed but..." Does no-one see this as a problem? So few women actually *choose* to bottle feed (and no judgement if they do), the vast majority bottle feed because they felt they DIDN'T have a choice.

Of course being fed is better than not being fed. But this whole 'fed is best' thing is getting out of hand. No one is saying it's wrong to formula feed, it's a perfectly acceptable alternative. But there are still millions of women around the world who are point blank refusing to even try it, even offer that first colostrum, because 'bottles are easy' and they don't understand the importance of that very first milk. Or, in one or two cases I've encountered, simply don't care. Breastfeeding is not for everyone and it can be really hard, nobody should ever be criticised if it doesn't work out, but every mother should be encouraged to try it, at least for a couple of days. The WHO statistics plainly show the difference between mortality rates and health of infants who receive some breast milk compared to those who get only formula. Colostrum in particular is amazing stuff and every baby deserves to get some if it's at all possible.

As a very supportive wonderful health visitor said to me "breast is only best if the mothers diet is fantastically healthy".... Given that with a 12 week old and a 3.5 yr old im living off crisps and biscuits, my baby needs the formula!! Also had difficulty breastfeeding and the health visitor was brilliant in recognising I was struggling and she encouraged me to bottle feed! Best thing she could have done for me.

Missed the point. Its the lack of support that stops mums making decisions, not pressure. If there's so much pressure as we hear CONSTANTLY then why do we have the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world? Oh, and anecdotal evidence like "I was bottle fed & I'm OK" is just plain silly. We didn't used to have car seats when I was a kid & I survived. Doesn't mean we should strive for the best to protect our children. And, I have to add before anyone comes up with the whole "breastfeeding nazi" thing, I combi fed my baby so I'm not anti-formula. I'm anti the unnecessary pushing of milk products on babies by formula companies.

This had made me so angry! I am a midwife, I have never shamed anyone for bottle feeding, I don’t care how a baby is fed, as long as it is fed! Don’t tarnish everyone with the same brush!

Fed is not best, fed is NECESSARY. If you don’t feed your baby either by breast or by bottle you are neglecting their first basic need. But you cannot deny that the contents of breast milk is more nutritious and suitable for a baby than artificially made substitute - this is a fact and this is science. Artificial Formula Milk was invented for when a mother could not breastfeed her child for any medical reason. We are lucky in the first world that this has now become more a choice on how to feed than just for when is medically necessary. Midwives are under a lot of pressure to try and increase breastfeeding rates in the UK as they are currently one of the lowest in the world, so I don’t think it’s fair to shame the midwives for trying to encourage more mums to give it a try! We are lucky enough as women in this day and age to have that choice, but that doesn’t mean a medical professional who is on the front line dealing with pregnant women day in day out can’t try and give information to encourage them to give the BIOLOGICAL NORM a try based on the information they have been provided with by their midwife. Feed your baby however you want but you don’t need to make anyone else feel bad for making their own informed decision, or for being a midwife and providing such information. Bad post shaming breastfeeding mums and hard working midwives 👎🏼

Thank you for posting this. I tried for 2 agonising months to breastfeed my son - I was desperate to make it work. But, for reasons unknown (midwives, health visitors and doctors couldn't explain), he just failed to gain weight despite feeding frequently and there being no problem with my supply. He refused to take a bottle, so was wasting away before my eyes. And at every weekly health visitor clinic, I was just encouraged to "keep persevering with it" despite the fact he was dropping off the centile chart. Thankfully at our 8-week check, our GP saw how desperate I was and sent us to hospital. We were admitted, and an amazing nurse tried lots of different teats until she found one my son would accept. He gained more in one night of formula feeding than he used to in a week of breastfeeding. Formula saved his life, and my sanity. He's now a robust, fiercely intelligent, healthy 5 year old. Breast is wonderful IF it works for mum and baby. If not, formula can be pretty wonderful too.

Breast is best is bollocks! I breast fed 3 babies till 4 months old as they couldn’t feed off me (no one knew why) so I was sterilising feeding, pumping 24/7, my kids are constantly ill, 2 have excema, 1 has asthma and they are at the doctors every week 🙄 my friend had a baby 3 weeks after my first and bottle fed from birth and that kid is never ever ill 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s utter shit about it being better!

As a midwife myself I would never force a mum to breastfeed if that wasn't her choice, and fully support a new mum who wishes to bottle feed. I always ask how she intends to feed and never assumes she is going to say breast! It's a mother's (and father's) choice how they choose to feed their child. However, there is a lot of pressure on maternity wards to promote breastfeeding which in turn can put pressure on these new mum's. I will do my utmost best to support a mum trying to breastfeed even when her baby just won't latch on, with no idea that really she wouldn't mind giving baby a bottle but is too scared to say! I've never met a fellow colleague who has forced breastfeeding on anyone but I'm sure there will be a few. It's not very fair to tarnish everyone with the same brush

When I had my first child nine years ago I attended a pregnancy group ran by midwives who pulled out a knitted boob and discussed breast feeding then said 'we aren't touching about bottle feeding because who needs to know about that' id already decided I was bottle feeding, because that was what was right for MY family at the time. Im now a mother of three and have bottle fed all my babies. I'm not a monster and all of my children are happy and healthy. That's the main thing right?? You wanna breast feed... Then do it... You wanna wap your boob out in Costa coffee for all the world to see then do it?! Nobody should care what anyone else chooses to do for their kids. Each to their own, if everyone had a little more of that mantra the world would be a better place!!!

This headline completely misses the point of the original statement. Mothers don't fail to breastfeed, cultures do.

This report is ridiculous, as a midwife it’s our role to support a woman no matter how she chooses to feed her baby & although we ensure to educate women about the benefits of breastfeeding we would never judge anyone who chooses to bottle feed. I’ve never come across a midwife who’s done this, this is demonising Midwives who are actually there to support women through one of the most precious times of their lives!

I come from a latinamerican country and it is rarely heard a suggestion of formula fed. Everyone takes for granted they will be able to breastfeed and if you have trouble, all your aunts, grandmas, friends and mother could talk to you from their experience. I think our lack of resources for buying formula made us rely on breastfeeding and has created a strong network of women and knowledge about the subject. Maybe in a few generations ahead and women will have more experience and will be easier on them. It's always hard to start anything, let alone a change of cultural patterns.

What absolute rubbish! It’s hard to find healthcare professionals with good enough knowledge to support women who want to breastfeed or struggle to! I’ve never heard a MW be pushy about breastfeeding. The scientific facts are that breast is better than formula BUT fed is better than starvation of course. The point is nobody should be victimised for how they choose to feed their baby but they should be given an informed (not forced) and supported choice. My personal opinion is that everyone should at least try. More people should at least give it a try without giving birth already dead set on formula.

Love this! I tried to breastfeed my first and it was a disaster. Starving, distressed baby for 8 weeks. Stressed me having no sleep with a baby attached to me constantly that I couldn't satisfy no matter what I did. At 8 weeks my GP said enough was enough, that I was too tired too stressed and my baby boy wasn't gaining weight. But my god the grief I got over it. Pressure from my health visitors, even though my son wasn't gaining weight "you're just not feeding enough" he's attached to me constantly! How could I feed him more?! I had a friend disown me over it. Even now people judge me. The first time he had a bottle he downed the whole thing, burped and slept solidly for 4 hours! He was sleeping through at 16 weeks. With my second I didn't even attempt breastfeeding, just went straight to bottle, best decision I ever made. I was so much more relaxed and happier. So a huge thank you for me for standing up for bottle feeding mums By the way I'm not remotely against breastfeeding, I'm just saying some of us don't get along with it xx

Recieved absolutely zero support from midwives and health visitors to breastfed, battled endlessly with GPs who were forcing formula on me with my first because breast must have been making him sick (turns out he was dairy intolernt and actually the formula was making him sick), shamed by family members, ignored by friends because im breastfeeding. Biologically breastmilk is the best thing for children. You cant argue with the science. Most other contries nurse until well past baby stage. However we are privileged to live in a part of the world where we have a safe alternative in formula. 3rd world countries do not - how can you make safe formula when you dont have clean water?? This is purely another campagin to damage those that choose to breastfeed and to make us all out to be tyrants who force our milk makers in your face 🤔 Maybe ALL parents should just respect ALL parents choices as long as they are informed.

So in the States this is a thing. There is more support for breastfeeding but it's to the point that the midwives, nurses, and lactation consultants at the hospital will make you feel horrible if you aren't breastfeeding. We have a whole movement of Xtra, super crunchy mom's that tell you formula is poison and they believe you're abusing your children if you don't breastfeed. To the point that we had to use 'fed is best' as a tagline against Mommy shamers who were so good at guilt trips that some babies actually died of dehydration because the mom just knew her milk would come in. These women will work hard to convince other women that there is NO way you 'can't' breastfeed. That somehow, even with medical issues being the driving force behind you not breastfeeding, you're just too lazy to produce milk. It's pretty horrible.

How about not shaming ANY moms for how they feed? Both sides get shamed and ridiculed and it’s ridiculous. I nursed both my kids and was treated horribly in public or even around family when it was time to nurse. Neither of my kids could stand being covered, so I wore nursing shirts and nothing showed but people still acted like I was crapping right in front of them.

You can't win either way. My son was formula fed due to zero support and no knowledge. Breastfeeding was never pushed or encouraged. Currently breasfeeding my little girl. Don't get me wrong it can be very difficult and I've had a few obstacles to overcome. The right support is a game changer. I'm loving feeding her and plan to for as long as she wants it. But same as last time I've had no pressure to do this. But I've definitely felt pressure to stop breastfeeding her. "maybe she will settle better on a bottle" "she will probably sleep longer if you gave her formula". I know there will be mothers who have felt pressure to breastfeed and that shouldn't be the case. Encouragement and support yes. But it's definitely been the opposite for me.

I have two premature children, my first a surviving twin born at 28 weeks (now 2½ years old), the second born at 34 weeks (now a month old). I never had any intention of breast feeding, however, in the case of preemie babies breast milk is a form of medicine, once that was explained to me feeding them my milk was a no brainer. I expressed (they were tube fed) every 3 hours 24 hours a day so that my children could survive, it was hard work as I didn't have any milk coming thru. Just wanted to point out that some times it's not a choice

I wanted so badly to breastfeed with both my girls and tried really hard with lots of support from midwives and other people but you hit the nail on the head here. I stopped because I have a history of depression and anxiety and could feel myself going down a slippery slope. I decided bottle fed girls with a sane Mum (and a Dad who didnt have to pick up the pieces) was the best option. I was breastfed but I have all those things they warn you about - asthma, eczema, allergies and weight issues. Thankfully I've only ever had one person be horrible to me about it which was a midwife who told me my eldest daughter's inherited eczema probably wouldn't be as bad if I had breastfed... 😑 Thanks for sharing - it's good to get a father's opinion on it all too.

Mum's shouldn't be shamed either way. I am super proud that I was able to breast feed both my babies and it was flipping hard work, I did that and went through those hard times because 'breast is best'. However had I suffered mentally or had I not been able to feed I would have been super happy to have formula as an adequate alternative.

Nobody respects a decision either way! I breastfed but had difficulty in the beginning... most professionals I met basically told me to quit trying and bottle feed. Mum's don't seem to have support anymore.... glad I ignored everyone's 'input' and did what was right for me!

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2 weeks ago

Man vs Baby

Alexa gets it. ... See MoreSee Less

Alexa gets it.

 

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How on earth did babies get fed before Alexa?

This is funny but since when did you need reminding to feed a baby??!!

The baby cannot be defeated. The baby will always win!

Tracey Clipsham-Brown 😂 if you had an Alexa!

Emma Jobson 😂 😂 xxx

David - sorry... I’ll stop tagging you. This just made me think of you! I think we all know it’s you who would be defeated! x

Umm yeah....itll take minimum 18 years and all your health points and xp to defeat that boss mate..

Steph Goodwin 😂😂😂 xx

Many have tried and many have failed! Carina Ziya

Yes, yes I do indeed Matt!😂😂😂

Trying to defeat the baby right now lol. I'm failing 😁

Heh heh heh. That's a face that's not going to be defeated.

Bethany Robyn Georgina thought you guys might appreciate this 😂

Nicki Louise, Mo Brownridge, Natalie Kate

Heidi Chenery Sarah Liddelll 😂

Pippa, yup!

😂

Kerrie Buckley told you before its war

Chloe Michelle Meghan Keaton

Lucy, Luke 😂😂

Ross Mulder you'll laugh at this I'm sure

Same thing 😝

Emma its a reminder worth having

Alex Deadman I knew this would be useful for something 😂

Ben Selby one for the future...

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2 weeks ago

Man vs Baby

Sleep Diary. (p.67)

(We actually tried this, our health visitor gave us a book to fill in. The idea is that you get an insight into your baby’s sleeping patterns and then you adapt their routine so they sleep better... (We gave up after four days.. reading it back during the daytime it was fast becoming the most depressing diary since Anne Frank’s.)
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Sleep Diary.  (p.67)

(We actually tried this, our health visitor gave us a book to fill in.  The idea is that you get an insight into your baby’s sleeping patterns and then you adapt their routine so they sleep better... (We gave up after four days.. reading it back during the daytime it was fast becoming the most depressing diary since Anne Frank’s.)

 

Comment on Facebook

5:00-5:15 check nappy and re-settle?! WTF??!! As soon as I breath differently my child is like “BAM! Your awake, so am I! Yes let’s get up. Woooooohoooooo. Let’s go let’s go let’s go” 5:00 is a lay in

Sleep training is the biggest load of Bollocks I have ever heard 😭 she sleeps when she wants, balls to rules and like. I feel like I'm being held hostage by a sleep deprivation terrorist 😒

Your Health Visitor was clearly either childless or sadistic and wanted revenge on the world for having a non-sleeper. Why would anyone bother filling this in - if by some miracle your baby did sleep you’d pass out yourself instead of wasting precious time on this tosh.

My 2 year old doesn't sleep at night and never has. So I drink a lot of coffee...and gin. Sometimes at the same time...😴

Everyone kept telling me my son would sleep through the night when he reached certain milestones (solids, teeth, crawling etc). He was 3 when he finally slept through. That’s 3 YEARS. I’m surprised I’m still alive.

I remember my health visitor telling me babies sleep up to 18 hours a day on average (??wtf!!) My husband made a spreadsheet for me to mark down when our princess actually slept... a total of 6 hours average...and not all at once either!! 😱 health visitors answer... oh they are all different aren’t they... #helpfulnothelpful

I tried the 'dream feed' thing once. Hilarious! He wouldn't feed in his sleep, so I tried to gently wake him, he was having none of it, so I tried a bit harder, then he was awake, angry and wouldn't feed. Took him quite a while to re-settle. Needless to say, I never did that again!!! 😂

We have had three like that and the fourth is still deciding whether to be a sleeper or not (already not happy about his crib though). First one used to like the hoover... we used it for so long one night it wore a hole in the carpet! Xxxx

Where is your 3 hours of bouncing on the fucking birthing ball? Hubby and I took it in turns and Dont think my legs will ever be the same again...she only slept if you bounced!

You missed out ‘put baby in rocker next to washing machine cos for some reason that makes it shut up’ 😐

Luke Ashton 😂 The time you all decide to have an early night and you finally manage to get the 4yr old to sleep, lay your head on the pillow and the 3 week old decides to wake for her all nighter! Then in the morning you get the 3 week old back off to sleep after feeding them at 5am and the 4yr old wakes up fully rested, ready for a day of running around like the Tasmanian devil!

My smug pre-kids self thought my lg would snuggle down all content&slumber on while I also rested,but luckily I wasn't given this diary as I would've written wtf in capitals all across it similar to the scene in the Shining where he goes mad!

A bedtime lasting 15 minutes? Resettling at 5am after a nappy change? What kind of black magic is this!?

We did this on our baby's first day at home: it reads something like this 'sleep' 'poo' 'feed' 'poo' 'sleep' 'feed' 'poo' 'poo' and so on and on and on....

Oh my sounds like my first born! He’s 5 next week and this week I got a letter home from the school nurse that read: You indicated Logan has sleep issues, sleep is very important to growth and development, here are some website links, try these suggestions and if things don’t improve in 4-6 weeks then contact us again. 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Things haven’t improved in 5 years so I don’t think some website links are gonna help but thanks love!

My health visitor told me to write a food diary of what I was eating as my baby who was content and putting on weight wasn’t ‘in her opinion’ putting on enough! Took him to the doc who said she had too much to say for herself!! 😂😂😂 I haven’t met a health visitor with good advice yet lol 😆

I always remind new parents that unicorn babies are a thing of fables, and not to expect it from their new little one. Unicorn baby- a perfect baby that sleeps through the night from the 1st day home, never fusses, always latches perfectly, diapers smell like cotton candy and bubble gum.

I remember tying my dressing gown cord to my ankle and to her swinging crib..so I could rock my baby girl when she woke up without getting out of bed! 😂😂

I did do this with my first, but not in so much soul destroying detail...it was literally...7am woke up, 7.15 fed, 9am nap, 10am fed, 11.30 exploded, 12pm fed, napped...scintillating stuff 😊

Lmao I've tried to use an app twice that tracks how long and when my daughter eats and sleeps. I stopped because I didn't know what to do when she was sleeping but also she was still feeding? And then I'd fall asleep, and then I'd wake up and she'd no longer been sleeping or feeding she was just kicking and doing raspberries.. Like how long have you been doing that for? What time should I put down in the app? It got too confusing

I'd like to know who dreamt up these guidelines for how many hours' sleep babies and toddlers supposedly need. I think they must have surely plucked it out of thin air. "Ooh, 16 hours? Yeah, let's put that. That sounds about enough. If anyone questions it, we'll just make them believe it's because they're bad parents and their children will end up horribly damaged." 🙄

‘Most depressing read since Anne Franks Diary’ 😂😂😂 I’m dying 😂😂😂 also, what baby goes back to sleep for two hours if they wake at 5am?! I know my son doesn’t!!

Our youngest was a non sleeper... If driving around at night ... Make sure you don't need to fill up at the petrol station next to a police car while junior screamed his heart out because the car stopped... Two hour relief... Bassinet goes into the kitchen or laundry with dishwasher or washing machine running and door closed... Slept there like a little angel. Sleep deprivation for 14 month made me.... Boil eggs without water... Exploded ... Hanging from the ceiling.... Sanitising dummies on the stove without water... Ringing the neighbour to complain about the terrible smell of whatever he is cooking on the BBQ on his balcony and the smell coming into my house.... Feeding the baby something with blueberries and ringing the emergency doc at night because his poo looked black... These 14 month aged me 20 years 😂😬

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2 weeks ago

Man vs Baby

Ladies. Gentlemen.

...The lyrical triumph that is the new CBeebies World Cup Song.
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How dare they destroy the stick song with crappy football

Seems legit. More responsible use of the license fee. Just like the decision to broadcast Cbeebies in HD alongside an SD channel. Because there are so many 3 year olds out there that can appreciate the difference between 576i and 720p resolution and would like to have both channels available so they can make an informed comparison.

My older sons are 7&9. I endured all that Cbeebies had to offer during their toddler years. Waybaloo, Night Garden and that shit programme where the doll lives in a tree and a fat, farting beaver drinks tea out of a cup and saucer in the lake (to name a few) I did my time! I now have a 5 month old. Thank you all so much for pre warning me about the current state of Cbeebies. #bulletdodged #Heyduggeewho

Need to get this released and to number1 then get the England team to dance to it after scoring (or the match if they don’t score!!)

Brings me back to circa early 90’s, dance to anything on amphetamines, are the writers of Hey Duggee permanently high 😂 🙌🏻

OMFG! And there I was, thinking you were such a nice bloke, and you unleash this aural Armageddon on an unsuspecting woman!!!!!!! And my son is 14, so now I must inflict it on him!!!!!🤪🤪🤪🤪

I have never heard of the CBeebies but I have now, based on this song, made it my life's mission to prevent my son from ever watching it.

I’d like this to be the BBC theme tune for their coverage - then maybe my life won’t be taken over by flaming football!!

Paul - I had ‘baby shark’ in my head at work this afternoon. So now you can have this! Kicky kicky kick kick!

Craig Thomson, you need to get watching Hey Duggee. Me and Benjamin agree it's the ONLY thing on TV worth seeing (apart from The Bridge, but that's way past his bedtime).

I like it, they've stayed true to their original sound but made it a little bit different too 😁 well played cbeebies, well played

My son must never, EVER see this or I’ll be stuck watching it 50 times a day FOREVER. And the adult human brain will turn to pudding if that happens. 🙂

Watched the Stick Badge episode only this morning by request of the wife. She informed me then that apparently there is an Album (if that’s what you call it these days) of Hey Duggee tunes. I’d be keen to learn if Kick and Stick would be released as a double A-Side?

It's a sound worm, arrrrrgh it's stuck in my head. Going to inflict it on the other half now muhahaha

Love it. The kids love the stick song because of you sis. Now I’ll get them on this throughout the World Cup!!!

Sara a small window of insight for your soon to be love/hate relationship with Cbeebies! Well worth the license fee alone in my opinion 🤔🤣

I think adding in the change of pace with 'kicky kicky kick kick' is a bit much for most football fans 🤣 *ducks for cover*

Sounds about right really. It goes nicely with Frankie Boyle's "Kick it in the goal, kick it in the goal. Their goal. Not our goal. Kick it in the goal!"

It's better then Flintoff's effort!!

Jamie Landi joe told me to tag you in this as he said you would love it. This is Alice’s favourite program and she loves this song

Get in from work, mooch through face ache and stupidly decide to listen to this 😱. Well I’m going to bed with a head full of kicky kicky kick kick 🙈

Well TF I've seen that, now I can safely ignore absolutely everything else to do with the world cup! Feel like I've done my bit now ☺

My 3year old granddaughter loves the stick song , we jump around to this together so can’t wait to show her this!

I haven't even put the sound on and it's annoying me ha ha ha. We love duggee but have avoided the stick song so far... 🤯🤯🤯

Love it! Haven't needed to watch Cbeebies for years as my children are much older now. It's good to see nothing has changed!

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2 weeks ago

Man vs Baby

#throwbackthursday and extracted from the book.

PARENT AND CHILD PARKING SPACES...

"...Another concession to the struggling parent is the parent and child parking space. These are wider spaces than usual which means that you can get your pram and baby out of the car without reducing the car parked next to you to scrap, ..as you repeatedly smash your own car door against it. They are also usefully closer to the entrance if your kids are a bit older and you don’t want them legging it around a car park like it’s Chessington World of Adventures. These spaces make sense.
At my local mini-supermarket there are just three parent and baby spaces, placed a few feet from the entrance. And, on the whole, people don’t abuse the system. But one persistent offender is always parking his crappy car in one of these slots. Usually the one nearest the door. Almost every other night he’s parked in it, so that he can save his legs the thirteen feet extra walking distance to the door. The really infuriating thing is that judging by his clothes he’s clearly on the way to or from the gym. He’s not incapacitated, he doesn’t have kids, he’s just a dickhead.

On one occasion, I thought about confronting this bloke as he went into the shop. But in the end I decided to take the moral high ground … on account of him being extremely aggressive-looking and built like a fucking wardrobe. Instead, I did what any right-minded English coward would do and left him this note that I stuck to his windscreen"...
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#throwbackthursday and extracted from the book.

PARENT AND CHILD PARKING SPACES... 

...Another concession to the struggling parent is the parent and child parking space. These are wider spaces than usual which means that you can get your pram and baby out of the car without reducing the car parked next to you to scrap, ..as you repeatedly smash your own car door against it. They are also usefully closer to the entrance if your kids are a bit older and you don’t want them legging it around a car park like it’s Chessington World of Adventures. These spaces make sense. 
At my local mini-supermarket there are just three parent and baby spaces, placed a few feet from the entrance. And, on the whole, people don’t abuse the system. But one persistent offender is always parking his crappy car in one of these slots. Usually the one nearest the door. Almost every other night he’s parked in it, so that he can save his legs the thirteen feet extra walking distance to the door. The really infuriating thing is that judging by his clothes he’s clearly on the way to or from the gym. He’s not incapacitated, he doesn’t have kids, he’s just a dickhead.

On one occasion, I thought about confronting this bloke as he went into the shop. But in the end I decided to take the moral high ground … on account of him being extremely aggressive-looking and built like a fucking wardrobe. Instead, I did what any right-minded English coward would do and left him this note that I stuck to his windscreen...

 

Comment on Facebook

..This car-park letter post proved to be a bit more controversial than I expected.. (..especially given some of the shit I write on here). As far as I can make out, the two main objections to the post seem to be these: 1. "Rubbish, we didn't have parent and baby spaces back when... " which I think is a bit of an odd point of view given that that argument can also be made for antibiotics, women's voting rights, the combustion engine, indoor plumbing, space travel, the great British Bake Off, opposable thumbs, monster munch and shoes. Oh yeah, and Facebook. 2. The other argument seems to be about disabled spaces as though I was trying to suggest that parent and child spaces are just as, if not more important, than disabled bays.. which is a weird conclusion to come to from reading the post..but to clear that one up I thought I'd share the text in the book that follows the letter: ----------------------- "It’s a sign of a civilised society that allowances are made for our newest generation; it is an indication of the value that we place on them and their parents. The problem is that this relies on the participation of others: the implicit agreement of the rest of society that there is a decent way of behaving; an understanding that you don’t use these spaces if you don’t need to. And, on a serious point, these are the same people who park in disabled bays. Which is a magnitude twattier thing to do than occupying a space for young families. So, if you are one of these people, I ask, on behalf of the rest of civilisation, that you take a long hard look in the mirror – and then bash your head against it until you stop being such a massive penis". Hope that clears that up... Now can we all just get along.

Parent and child spaces always confuse me. At what age does it become unacceptable to use them? When the child is the one driving the car?

Gotta love how many people are saying "back in my day we didnt have them so you dont need/deserve them now" I sure hope none of those people enjoy using mobile phones or get frustrated by slow internet...

I’m printing a thousand of these off to stuff in the thing that’s in the back of my seat , which I now know is a “ wank puffin holder “ not a chocolate bar wrapper stuffer. I absolutely love this as this is in my top 5 pet hates ! Any one who parks in these bays should be stoned to death with tins of beans .

I think you all need to get over your child parking spaces, I’ve had 4 children and not a child car parking space in site ...... there are more things to worry about when you have children ... basically are they still alive ? For gods sake ..... grow a pair

An oldish couple did this in our supermarket. It was also the one closest to the store and as i was parked in a normal space miles from the shop and I was struggling with a 2 year old refusing to sit in the trolley a full trolley and car dodging I confronted the lady by saying. Do you know these are parent and child spaces, she said I KNOW. I was gobsmacked and furious! I feel if they were a little slow on their feet there was a row of disabled spaces, I was so disgruntled.

I was once parked in P&C with my baby and a older woman, I'm guessing in her 60s, parked next to me and asked me "is this parent and child parking?" I obviously said yes. She replied with "good, I'd rather park here than take up the disabled spaces" 😳 I was literally gobsmacked and speechless as she walked away

Suzanne Forsythe Darcy Whitefield Tori L Courtenay Charlotte Booth 😂😂😂 Please make copies of these to bring with you’s!! I would have loved to have had this one day I had Richard with me going to Asda & some fat teenage kid rocked up to the parent child space with his mother while I was waiting!!! Aunties feel your frustration too girls... 👊🏼🤣

I must confess that I once used the parent & child bay when the car park was full. I had my elderly mother with me who was registered blind, prone to falling over & with early onset dementia. She was still my parent tho I was her carer & visiting the shop was a painfully slow operation @ the best of times. No-one complained & it was safer than leaving her alone in the car. Jx 🔔

My daughter is 17 and I do not park in parents with pram. I know it is just a courtesy but I know what is like to struggle with a young child (I went through chemo when my daughter was a toddler). I had the experience when my daughter was still in a pram of being cut off by a guy with P plates nearly hitting my car, then he and his girlfriend then swore at me telling me that I was selfish and was not entitled to the spot just because I had a child.

I feel like you should have these signs available for us in the US too! I can't begin to tell you the # of times I couldn't get my son into the car because of how people park.

I have to tustle with a 4 year old and a 20 week old baby on a regular basis due to ass hats who park in P&C spaces. Had many an argument in Aldi carpark about it!! Solution.....put the P&C spaces at the other end of the car park. I personally have no objection being further away from the shop as long as i have the space to get the kids out! Would stop all the lazy cretins using the p&c spaces just because they cant be arsed walking 👍

Question is does he still repeat said offence or has your note hit home? 🤔🤔

Found in Tesco near me yesterday.... I'm thinking of getting one and making the kids ride on top. All whilst I'm struggling to get an 18 month old and a 5 month old out of carseats in a teeny tiny space 😣😣😣😣

I challenged a woman in my local lidl recently after I had to sit and wait for a space as they were all taken and the normal spaces are super narrow so can't juggle the car seat out. She was pretty rude. Apparently after I walked away she said to the woman behind 'she's one of those', to which the woman replied 'what? A parent with a child?'. Thank you to that woman!

Lilly I can think of someone who parks their car in the parent and baby spaces so the dog can watch people going in and out of the shop. Sound familiar? We should photocopy this for her 😁

It's not the point that people never used to have them so we shouldn't be complaining now. We do have them so they should be used properly. If a car park doesn't have them then so be it but if they do then why shouldn't parents with young children want to use them. Specifically close to the door to minimise the distance to travel with small children to reduce the risk of them running in front of other cars. It's certainly not fun or safe when you've used a normal space and on returning to your car find that there are now cars parked so shit that they are both on the line, or over it, so you can't actually get your baby in its seat back in the car because you can't get the doors open. Not even that you bash their door (own fault for parking like an arse) but the doors physically won't open enough to let it in. Inconsiderate wankers just as I would be if I thought I could use disabled bays instead

In the good old days there weren’t as many cars around & I am sure folk went a bit slower & the risk of having little children hit in busy car parks was much less. When we have massive car parks & a couple of small children this is a nightmare. Magnify this when you are the parent of a child with ADHD who has no impulse control & will willingly throw himself under a car at the first opportunity, no matter how hard you try to teach him impulse control & safety. Things are different now, so we need to make allowances for that.

Jo Tossell I nearly piddled my pants at this!! I would give a high five to the guy who wrote this! Great stuff!! I struggle on a daily basis with my very heavy and strong willed one year old getting him in and out of the car and parent and child spaces are a saving grace!!

Charlie Podge Evans I can imagine this is the sort of passive aggressive note I’ll leave on the next person’s car who I see parking in a parent and child spot with no sign of a child 🤣🤣😂😂 xx

I went to aldi yesterday, I have a 5 year old and am 8 1/2 months pregnant, I parked in a normal bay maybe 30 feet away from the store entrance as the parent and child bays were full but the other bays were empty yet still close to the front of the store. When walking in the parking spot closest to the entrance is a parent and child bay, some dick without kids was loading his shopping into his car without a care in the world. No car seats and no kids with him. If I’d have said something I’d have torn him a new one as this really pisses me off. It’s not so bad right now but once I have the baby and need to use the space due to hauling a heavy car seat out and keeping an eye on a 5 year old I’ll be glad of the extra space. Some people are just lazy and selfish. Too many wank puffins around! 😂😂

I questioned a lady in Ikea car park once for parking in a parent and child space, she actually had the front to say it was so people like me didn't bash her car whilst opening doors to get the kids out! Oh I felt such rage nearly bloody rammed her with my sturdy pushchair, her not her car as you wouldn't have noticed if I'd hit her sodding battered mondeo (yes really) with a steam roller! I'm over it honestly....... 😉

I am going to print this off (minus the private plate bit) and take copies with me to the supermarket

This is somethinf that really grates me! If no parent and child spaces are available, i park over two...not for my benefit but so that i can get my kids into the car without damaging YOUR car in the process.

Few years ago now we parked in a disabled spot with our two daughters aged 3 and 1 - man started ranting that we shouldn’t park there as it was reserved for disabled persons. My (ex) husband who was holding our eldest daughter at the time replied back - well if you have a miracle to make her walk then please give it me. As I was getting her wheelchair out of the boot. He apologised and scuttled off.....

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3 weeks ago

Man vs Baby

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Up till about 13 then they don’t care if you die as long as there’s food and WiFi

This book is dangerous. Do not read it when your baby is asleep on your chest. The belly laughs will inevitably wake the baby 😳😰

Anyone who says their kid is "an angel" I mentally say "bullshit" and throat punch them. I console myself with the thought their kids are probably irritating little shits like mine. I love them, but fuck, they do your heads in.

Wait until your beautiful angel becomes a teenager.... I’ll check back in with you in about 12 years 😳

This made me laugh. I compared my first year with a baby like being in Guantanamo Bay. Lots of sleep deprivation, screaming and white noise.

I got your book out the library to take on holiday. I have a 5 year old and 10mth old. 10 days later, going home tomorrow. I've had time to read the Preface. That is all 🙈

Our lot are adults now, some with their own nippers. I read your book, while laying on our bed, in peace, on my own while the man of the house sat on the sofa watching football, on his own, in peace. Nailed it. 😉

Katie Buffy.. I feel so smug I'm getting past all of this 😂😂😂😂

Becky Janes 😂😂😂 (I love him really but this did make me lol!!) xxx

And they would probably want to take that fridge magnet & break it/hide it/put it in their mouth so it didn’t work anymore!😂😂😂

Sometimes? ALL the time for the first six months Ricky Titch

I gave my husband your book as a father’s day gift last year and he said he is glad he didn’t read it on his train journey to/from work! He said it was too funny to read on a train!

And now I want a fridge magnet that says that.......all of it!

Nick Baddeley don’t know if you’ve read this book, but I highly recommend it for a father of a newborn:)

Lucy have fun with your lodger lol

By the way Alice Parker - is it a book that you are reading or just something you came across? Looks like my kind of book...lol

Nic Wood, turns out we have an unstable and incontinent, breasts-obsessed, midget lodger. Shall we start charging him board?

Martin Smith one day you will be able to read this and laugh, might be a few years yet though

Aimee Durham I need to buy this book, maybe I’ll take it on honeymoon although it might put me off 😂😂

Stacey Lamb out of all my Mum friends I thought of you when I read this 🤣 x

Just finished your book. Had me laughing out loud, just brilliant! Thank you!!! My husband was chuffed to see the wildhearts on your playlist and robocop on the name list!

Katie .. they're angels most of the time 😉😇😇

Love your posts! 🤪 and I don’t even have kids!

Craig-I reckon I could get that on a magnet, or at least a mug🤔

Tors Phillippa just finished reading this book; effing hilarious!

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